let them eat cake

And so, after months of anticipation of the ubiquitous Hummingbird Bakery I finally stumbled across its recongnisable signage peeking out from a road near South Kensington tube station. A completely unexpected discovery, I was quite excited to finally reach this holy grail after months of being told by friends (who don't even live in London) how amazing their cupcakes were. I had frequently seen people on the tube clutching distinguishable pastel pink paper bags, and now I was to have one of my own!





On entering the shop nothing paticularly jumped out at me as amazing. Yes the cupcakes behind the counter did look delicious but there didn't seem to be that many to choose from and the shop was tiny. After a little deliberation I settled for a red velvet cupcake, their best seller and at the hefty sum of £2 (you could buy a whole meal for that much elsewhere...okay maybe not but at least a whole cake, or 2) I was expecting a savoury delight nothing short of amazing.

Too bad. The cream cheese frosting icing was, yes, sweet and calorifically delicious, but the sponge accompanying it was nothing to write home about, other than the fact it was an aesthetically pleasing deep crimson shade. More pleasing was the black bottom cupcake, consisting of chocolate sponge, though to be honest I'd rather have one of my Grandma's cakes anyday, or failing that a happily cobbled together Sara Lee DIY job.

broke a million hearts in mono

Today at work Pablo the alcoholic started singing this song at me because I was wearing a berét, and then mumbling something incoherent about 'the elephant'. He was actually referring to Elephant & Castle, and the fact that this video was filmed near there, and where I live, in Kennington on Brook Drive.

I was pretty psyched cos I love this song, but he managed to ruin it somewhat by telling me about his own amended lyrics he used to 'sing to his missus at the time, toora loora toora loo-rye-aye, come on let's have some nookie' but she weren't having any of it and sent him down the pub.
Don't blame her, the charmer.

packing your bags like people in the movies do

self portrait

taste the floor

Swimming Etiquette

1. Thou shalt go in the correct lane - yes i'm talking to you, balding fat men who can't swallow their 'male pride' and instead continue to clog up the fast lane inconsiderately. Conversely, muscley guys who are very slow should also get in the right lane. A six pack does not make you a good swimmer by default.



2. Thou shalt use the middle of the lane for overtaking only - swimming so far over it's impossible to safely overtake someone so you're stuck behind them, however slow/flailing they are is infuriating.



3. Thou shalt overtake people correctly - i.e. allowing enough room to completely go past someone, legs and all, before you go in front of them again. Fat men killing themselves to overtake you doing their best/worst frontcrawl as you're doing a leisurely breast stroke I find are the worst offenders, who although amusing are no fun when they kick you in the arm.



4. Thou shalt let faster people go first - having had someone stroking your toes the length of the pool generally indicates they are faster than you. Take a couple of seconds to let them go first on the next length, gor goodness sake.



5. Thou shalt wear appropriate attire - obviously swimming attire is going to be tight, but have the mercy not to wear sprayed on speedos/swimming costumes ten sizes too small - they're really not flattering. Jewellery is also obviously not a good choice, for example today I saw someone wearing their rosary beads, long and potentially dangerous and besides, God's meant to be with you everywhere anyway, or so I hear.



6. Thou shalt not pose in the shallow end - sure, a rest is acceptable, but blatantly posing in the shallow end, occasionally doing a token lap of front crawl/breastroke without even putting your face in (in the fast lane paticularly) is unbelivably wimpy.

Idle people lining the wall at the shallow end also means people who are actually swimming have nowhere to push off from, and can't complete lengths of backstroke properly, as even though someone standing in the shallow end will see you swimming towards them doing backstroke they will happily let you swim into/onto them. Idiots.



7. Thou shalt not openly be a pervert - obviously a swimming pool is a voyeurs dream...however openly oggling someone or deliberately waiting for them to do breastroke in front of you whilst you follow closely behind with your beady little goggles is nauseating.



8. Thou shalt not swim side by side - I don't care if you are a couple, get in line like everyone else you're clogging up the middle lane. Feeling each other up underwater is also not appealing.



9. Thou shalt keep lane discipline - most obvious rule, but the number of either really slow or deliberately disruptive people who just jump on in and start swimming the complete opposite way to everyone else is staggering.



10. Thou shalt not gob all over the place - disgusting. This goes for in the changing rooms too, paticularly in and around the showers. Pools are gross enough as it is, with the top layer consisting of the oil etc from everybody, going down to the denser human matter which is floating all around, (yum) but spitting can be helped.



Rant over.

L'ecole de Pole

"Aaaand, hang-back", my teacher pronounces with a relish, her perfectly sized torso draped elegantly vertical, her legs poised perfectly at a 45 degree angle. The eyes of several women around me bulge in disbelief at how effortlessly she executes this move, as I had done the first time round.

By now however I am resigned to the fact that this is what the move should look like, despite the difficulty of keeping your lower half rigid/strong and your top half fluid/elegant being akin to that of...well I don't know really, there aren't many everyday scenarios I can think of that involve being upside down.

Saying that I am getting better, and at least feel like I can do it now unaided, fairly certain I am not going to fall and cause myself an unpleasant spinal injury. Grace on the other hand, well, that's another matter.

Someone who does possess grace on the pole: